The Malaysian deck of cards

By Mariam Mokhtar

Passions may run high, but for ordinary Malaysians, revenge is to see justice being served. There are people to be held to account for previous wrongdoings.

NONEThe list of political and financial scandals is long. People have died, others had their lives wrecked, families were left broken and businesses ruined. Despite what Umno thinks, we have a credible opposition and not a militia or a rag-tag bunch of poseurs.

Last week, for one brief moment, former prime minister Dr Mahathir Mohamad’s (right) trademark arrogance slipped. In its place, we saw a man who claimed that he was not afraid of the opposition taking control of the country. He seemed more worried that he could be jailed on ‘false charges’.

It is disconcerting to hear Mahathir mention the possibility of the opposition winning GE13. It is not the Mahathir we are used to.

In his blog, Mahathir accused DAP’s Lim Kit Siang of saying that he (Mahathir) was going to make sure the opposition failed to win control of Putrajaya, because he feared being exposed for alleged past misdeeds involving corruption, conspiracies, illicitly gained billions and abuse of power.

Mahathir said Lim was probably inspired by the fate of Gaddafi and Mubarak.

The former PM has a poor opinion of ordinary law-abiding Malaysians. After 54 years, Umno may have tainted the judiciary and the police, but did he think that people who have been wronged are ready to wreak havoc with trials of vengeance?

Corrupt politicians have siphoned billions of ringgits into offshore accounts. Bolt-holes are awaiting them should they flee the country. Malaysians will however, demand that the key people in corruption and financial scandals are brought to justice.

Many will try to run away from the capital or the country. In the manhunt across Malaysia, how can we help identify the most wanted members of Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak’s government? We could use the deck of cards method with each card naming the individual, with his or her picture on it, and their roles.

Will we be able to flood Malaysia with the cards and distribute them to the public, so that the police can receive tip-offs on the whereabouts of these people?

Top of the most-wanted list

So who are the wanted henchmen of Najib’s regime?

The highest-ranking cards, starting with the aces and kings, will be used for the people at the top of the most-wanted list:

The Ace of Spades: Dr Mahathir Mohamad.

The Ace of Clubs: PM Najib. Apart from the usual allegations of billions of ringgits in commission, when he was defence minister, he authorised the purchase of two overpriced Scorpene submarines which could not dive, and two jet engines which flew out of the country below the radar. He avoids confrontation at press conferences by saying “no comment” when asked about ‘sensitive’ topics, before he abruptly leaves.

The Ace of Hearts: Deputy PM and Education Minister Muhyiddin Yassin. He declared that Malaysian education was one of the best in the world and yet he did not make it a must for the children of ministers and the Umno elite to take advantage of our superior education.

The Ace of Diamonds: Home Minister Hishammuddin Hussein. He simply carries out his cousin’s orders without considering whether they are right or wrong. He should learn to stand up for himself.
azlanKing of Spades: The Sarawak Chief Minister, Abdul Taib Mahmud. He is responsible for a serious attack of termite infestation in the timber rich state of Sarawak.

Queen of Spades: Rais Yatim, the Information Minister. He is poor at maths and claimed that there were only 22,000 people at the Bersih 3.0 rally. He warned us against social network sites because they were “tools of the West that can erode Malaysian culture”, and yet he allowed Najib to make full use of them.

Knave of Spades: Ahmad Zahid Hamidi, the Defence Minister. When given white gloves as an anti-corruption symbol, he said he could not use them because he might not be able to feel his wife with them on. He is afraid of the butt-force of the veterans in the armed forces and lately, hates anything French.

King of Clubs: Foreign Affairs Minister Anifah Aman. He instructed Malaysian missions to gather complete data on citizens studying, working or residing abroad; in essence, to spy on overseas Malaysians.

Queen of Clubs: Former Women Community and Family Development minister Shahrizat Abdul Jalil. She concentrated her family’s efforts on the rearing of cows and the acquiring of condominiums instead of empowering women.

Knave of Clubs: Former PM Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, for sleeping on the job.

King of Hearts: MP for Kinabatangan Bung Mokhtar Radin. He shed crocodile tears at his syariah trial when he was accused of bending the polygamy laws, thus setting a precedent for men to shed more tears and escape punishment when they, too, broke the law.

Queen of Hearts: Rosmah Mansor. She appointed herself the ‘First Lady of Malaysia’ and likes to subject Malaysians to her rendition of songs and her obscene collection of Birkin bags.

Knave of Hearts: Former Negri Sembilan menteri besar Mohd Isa Abdul Samad. As the chairperson of Felda, he could “take the land development agency to greater heights” by using his wide experience of graft.

King of Diamonds: The de facto law minister, Mohd Nazri Abdul Aziz.  He is serious about things that do not matter, such as salt and mineral water bottles and ignores things that do matter, such as clean and fair elections.

NONEQueen of Diamonds: Dr Ng Yen Yen, the Tourism Minister. She is so gullible that she was conned into spending RM1.8 million of taxpayers’ money for a Facebook entry to promote tourism in Malaysia. She also bought 42 wristbands which cost RM1,000 each.

Knave of Diamonds: Attorney-general Abdul Gani Patail. He is in the wrong job and controls a bunch of lawyers who are just clowns and court jesters.

The First Joker: The former IGP, Hanif Omar. He suffers from a version of ‘red-eye’ and keeps finding reds-under-the-bed wherever there is an opposition gathering. He has the tendency to mistake socialism for communism.

The Second Joker: Musa Aman, the Chief Minister of Sabah. He has impoverished Sabah despite it being a leading exporter of gas, oil and timber.

The Third Joker: The Election Commission deputy chairperson Wan Ahmad Wan Omar. He will remove banners bearing political caricatures during the election campaign. He dislikes cartoonists because they may make caricatures of him.

Business leaders, civil servants, religious heads and VVIPs will occupy the other spaces in the deck of cards. They must also be pursued and brought to justice. – Mkini

MARIAM MOKHTAR is a non-conformist traditionalist from Perak, a bucket chemist and an armchair eco-warrior. In ‘real-speak’, this translates into that she comes from Ipoh, values change but respects culture, is a petroleum chemist and also an environmental pollution-control scientist.

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